Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Sense of Humor............................check
Ethics & Religion............................check
Social class & family reputation.......check
Suitable wife?................................nope.

Every man has his own checklist when it comes to imagining what the right girl should be like.  I'm sure the women have their own checklist as well.  I recently realized that no matter how perfect the girl is on paper, it's the whole package that counts.  You can't judge if a girl is suitable or not based on a checklist.  Sure it can be used as a preliminary guide, but you shouldn't base your final decision on it.

The key word is Chemistry.  Chemistry will make your life lighten up all of a sudden....it will make you ignore any of the items in the checklist if the girl doesn't satisfy them...it will make you feel excited that this is the person you will be spending the rest of your life with, simply because she understands you.  Simply because you have a connection.

I'm the kind of guy that enjoys stability.   I can see my future as a family guy, studying for my children and making sure they do their homework and sleep early...taking them to swimming twice a week...helping my wife with dinner every once in a while..you know, the kind of stuff my own dad used to do.

Getting married is a huge decision, and i've been really close to being married at least once so far.  The reasons it didn't work out are irrelevant, but i can't say i'm happy with where i am at the moment.  Sometimes i get worried that my chances of finding the right person are decreasing greatly because i'm not in Egypt anymore.  I'm 28 now and the last thing i would ever want is to pass 30 without getting married...i want my children to have a normal father with a normal age difference.

The thing is, even when i was in Egypt it wasn't that easy to find someone good.  It so happened that my circle of friends, whether they're in college or work, had no one suitable for me.  Now what? If I don't bump into a girl in a random place, and we click instantly like we see in the movies, then i guess i have no other option but to listen to my family's recommendations of having a pre-arranged "Salon" wedding.  Is that so bad? At first it was. I didn't want any other people interfering in this important decision at all, not even a little bit...I can handle things on my own.

On a completely related note, our society is messed up.

Most of the marriages don't work out for financial reasons.  It pisses me off so much that parents are putting prices for their children's happiness.  They don't realize that after a year from the wedding, no one even remembers any of these stupid details.  The only thing that matters is if the couple is happy or not.

I hate how egyptian families complicate things.  I hate how the parents are always desperate for their kids to get married (whether they're boys or girls), and once they find the appropriate partner, the parents don't even consider making any compromises to make things work.  I'm not referring to my own parents here, i'm just talking generally about our society in egypt.  Countless relationships have been ended just because the parents of both parties were playing a game of "who's in control".  They forget how desperate they were for this opportunity to come, and how hard it might be for their beloved child to find someone else suitable.

There's a lot to talk about when it comes to marriage.  I don't think this will be the end of it.


gjoe said...

Chemistry is weird like that. You can't really define it, and I believe it is one of the greatest "Ayahs" of Allah.

You know what, I think that marriages fall for many reasons and the financial reason you brought up is just a symptom of the real problem. The society is really messed up it all manifests in the criteria upon which people choose their partners.

I tell you that many of close girl friends still consider "enn el raagel beybaan men gazmetoh".. and that many of guys criteria also narrows down to "taweela w beeda w mo7aggaba w bent naas". Mafeesh bent osool? Mafeesh raagel tayeb? Mafeesh wa7da mothaqafa? Mafeesh raagel 3ando resala fel 7ayah? La2 aham men koll dah ye3arfo el far2 been el "b" wel "p".

Our generation became to think of marriage as a plus.. or with a "what's in it for me" mentality.. with no compromises to be made.
And honestly, I don't understand how come our parents are cultivating that. No one I know who are extremely successful now, didnt have a bumpy start..

Rabbena yostor 3aleena w 3ala ahaleena w 3ala weladana

grey said...

gjoe, if there was a "like" button i definitely would've pressed it :)

i agree completely.

Anonymous said...

I can't agree more with u..

It's n so many ways the same in other Arab countries..
Life can get so challenging sometimes.. but we have faith inside, a hope 2 keep us going on, and a willingness not to give up on everything we believed and learned..
That day will come.. Just then, u'll know how much it's so worth-waiting for..

Anonymous said...

Thnx 4 sharing this post.. Can't wait 4 the other ones :)

Deeeeeee said...

There are two very important keywords that you seemed not to mention: Tolerance and Compromise these are what really keeps the boat afloat, when making the initial selective decision think "Will I tolerate her and her ways no matter what?" and "Will I change my ways if I absolutely need to?" and "Will she do the same for me?" (given that there's mutual respect and seeing eye to eye on the fundamentals) the shoes, hats, and common interest thing isn't half as important as it seems before you actually get married! Oh and stop counting the years, when the time comes.. IT COMES! :)

Deeeeeee said...

Oh and if you're really the kind of guy who'd help your wife with dinner every once in a while, the please clean up the kitchen when you're done!